I HAVE MADE MY MIND!!

now i have made my mind..i am not gonna hope on blush anymore caz now i understand that he didnt had love for me..he was just attracted to my looks..after meeting me everything has changed,caz i look different in person..he was attracted to my pictures on facebook... he use 2 tell me that he miss my voice..now it has been 3-4days already..he never told me anything like that..i hurts...ALOT...really ALOT.. god..why is this happening to me??are you letting me 2 feel the pain??i hate it alot...i wanna fall in love..i want someone to pamper me..i want someone to hug me,kiss me,feel me...dont think i am GATAL kay..its just my hormones are working fast...whats wrong with it??im a human..i would feel the same like the others too..u cant say im too young for it or dont tell me some GRANMA stories..i know im not gonna get him,its k..he isnt luck 2 have me..thats all i can say...

KARMA... WHAT GOES AROUND,COMES AROUND!!

i am fucking sad rite now!!! i guess its karma.. i was only taking you as my friend,but u took my as a girl friend..but now i wanna take u as a boyfriend,ur taking me a friend...everything changed after our meet...dipsy said its too soon 2 meet yah,but i didnt felt so caz somehow your gonna still see me..my face..everything..nothin in me is gonna change..that fosho!! i thought u would like me for who m i...but turns out u startd to ignore me for who m i..now those words are coming back 2 me..each time when u  call me'baby',sayang','hunie' and all, i called u back either 'jaani' or 'weyh'..now when i started to call u with all tho 'manje words' ur ignoring it by callin me 'weyh'..i guess this is what people say what goes around comes around..IT MY FAITH!!i guess its time 4 me 2 back off...im sorie for hurting you,but now i startd to love you <3

the curse!!

i was wondering why is all my love ones leaving me and going away??now i knw,ITS BECAUSE OF THE CURSE!!!!!!i was cursed by most of the guys...i wasnt or im not a player...im a friendly person..so when i talk friendly to guys they assume that i like or love them..when they proposed 2 me i reject them..so they end up cursing me..is it my fault to be friendly???i love 2 talk,i cant stop talking..at d same time i love 2 make new friends...i guess now the curse is going all around me..karam was soo in love wimme...now hez gone too..*sigh*...i dont know what to say...im sick and tired of my fucking life..*sorie 4 that word* :(

back to blog

hellow peeps..im back 2 blog..currently m missing all my friends...it has been a while since i spoke or chat with them.. guys i miss you all..do u guys miss me?*being emo*..bhahahahahahahhaahah..being emo dosent suit me at all..i prefer being a drama queen..owkay out of the track..the friends that i miss the most are kumail,najihah,sameer,nabil,arifin,navreet,aishah,nadia and hesan...owh..wanna c how they look like..w8 lemme upload their pix :D

these are mybloved friends...i mean i have alot..but the 1's whoz close 2 me...from left top:kumail,najihah,sameer,nabil,arifin,navreet,aisha,nadia and hesan..cute right all of them...ehehehhehehe...owh...guys guess wut,sonia has added me on fb..YYEEAAAYYY..finally my doa was answered by Allah,sykur Alhamdulillah...anyways will get back 2 u guys soon kay..tc..adioz :D

I MISS YOU EVERY SECOND!!

I love you more than I did before..
And if today I don’t see your face..
Nothing’s changed, no one can take your place..
It gets harder everyday..


Well I tried to live without you..
But tears fall from my eyes..
I’m alone and I feel empty..
I’m torn apart inside..


im confused..i've never met him before..i dont know how he smells..u might be wondering 'WHAT??how he smells??what does smell gotta do with this'..orite 2 me smell do matter..so yeah..the only thing i know is im sooo confused..do i love him??errrmm...not sure...im pretty sure that he..eerrrrrr...okay.I DONT KNOW..im such a confused soul on earth..grrhh..ritee...i do have feelings towards him..he was there when i was down..he made me laugh to the fullest when i was sad..he lend me his shoulder when i needed to lay on..he was soo there 4 me..but nowadays we rarely chat/talk..he is freaking busy with his life and so do i..although how busy i am i still think about those moments we shared..


i still cant forget the moment i was down and i told him that,he was silent for few minutes..then when i ask him 'r u there??am i bothering u,if i do im sorie and m leaving..and he said no..no..wait..ur down and finding some funny jokes 2 make u smile..okay here u go..read this'..OMYGOD!!!my tears immediately stopped and i start 2 smile..i thought to myself 'god this is the guy i was finding for a long time,i wish i could own him'..each i talk 2 him i tend to smile..i started to say BYEBYE to sadness..i seriously have no idea how he feels for me..but im VERY SURE this is how i feel towards him...i guess ive spit out everything which was in me..i feel soo relief..haaaaa...now i can sleep peacefully...hopefully 1day i get to tell him how i feel..*inshaAllah* :)


                                      

confused soul!

which one of this belongs to me now??? *confused*
whats wrong with me?why am i feelings so messed up?should i smile?laugh?cry?what should i do to overcome this?(heart says PARVEEN BLAST ON THE MUSIC AND DANCE)..shall i do so?*thinking*
I guess this is all because of my current life style..wtf man,i don't have any freedom in my life..i feel like i don't have space to breathe..mum why is so hard for you to trust me?am i that bad?whatever..i dont care less about what you feel about me..i'm just gonna remain the same until the end because i know no matter how good i become your not gonna give me freedom and trust me..too bad i'm not gonna change who i am for any reason..* i sound so rebellious now*..who gives a shit about it!!i just wanna live the way i wanna live...give me a chance i'll prove you that my decision is right...im big enough to think what is good and bad..right and wrong..i'm no longer a kid who holds her mums hand to cross a small drain...let me go i can even cross the ocean by myself *just saying because i'm pretty bad in swimming,i can even drown in the baby pool*..the best solution for this is, my beloved mum please give me some freedom in my life,i'll prove u that i'll never misuse the freedom..*PROMISE*
Anyways its already 3.37am..i need to sleep..the bed is calling me..my bolster needs a tight from its owner..comforter need protect a sweet person from the chill...(whatever im being such a drama queen)..so good night,UMMU SALAMAH, CFS,Nilai,Negeri Sembilan and Malaysia.. toodles...mwahxxx..

she inspired me!!

sonia ayesha..she's the girl..

The reason im back to blog is because of her..sonia ayesha..(not my lesbian partner but she use 2 be my best friend in school)..after ages i read her blog..hella interesting..she's full of herself..that isn't a bad thing..i'm missing her so much..it has been quite long since I've even spoke to her..i just miss those moments v spent together in school..the good and bad times..the laughters..the tears...always had a wish to meet her back...(may god fulfill my wish)..she is the kind a girl i've never met before..u might be wondering"there is many social networks why cant you find her there?"..well i hav an answer for your question..she has facebook..sent her request like a year ago but still i'm in her waiting list..sob,sob,sob :(

Maybe she don't recognize me?maybe she forget me?maybe she don't need me?maybe she's shy to claim me as her friend?lots of questions are running in my god daem bloody head..a lil poem for her: There are many stars but the moon is u, there are many friends but the best is you..To forget me that’s up to u,To forget u I will never ever do.... (i know it sounds LAME..so what)..whatever it is i'm praying hard that i'll meet her soon..*guys do pray for me to* 
signing off..>>parveen shah<<  XOXO